The Kind of Support New Mums Need(Why We’ve Gotten It Wrong)
Recently, there have been videos circulating of whales giving birth. When a mother whale is in labour, she is not left alone but surrounded by a small pod of females.
Not to take over or to separate mother and baby but to support the process.
When the calf is born, it needs to reach the surface quickly to take its first breath. These females help guide the newborn upward and keep it afloat in those first critical moments, while the mother recovers and follows.
This is coordinated, instinctive support.
They don’t remove the mother from the process. They protect it.
And I couldn’t help but think that somewhere along the way, human postpartum care forgot this.
Mothers are encouraged to sleep through the night early on while babies are fed formula while they rest. Mother’s breasts become engorged as feeds are missed.
And then come the “fixes”: pumps, massages, interventions.
One step leads to another, not because anyone is doing anything wrong, but because we’ve misunderstood what support is meant to do.
Support was never meant to replace the mother in those early days. It was meant to protect the connection between mother and baby, especially when everything is still being established.
Milk supply. Feeding rhythms. Trust.
When we step in too much, too early, we tend to complicate things. Because the right kind of support doesn’t take over.
It stays close and steps in just enough so that mother and baby can find their rhythm.
And perhaps that’s the kind of “village” we should be building.
So tell me, what kind of support did you have (or wish you had) in those early days?
